she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
