I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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