evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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