My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
