Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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