don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
