After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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