I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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