So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
