the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize