addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
