I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
