I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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