me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
