So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
did i just pee glitter
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
