Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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