just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hippo gnu deer
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
