someone threw a dead crab at me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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