Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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