Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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