are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
