accomplished twins. life is a go
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
