I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
