Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
