You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
