bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
