wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
