I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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