Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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