i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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