how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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