I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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