Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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