Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
