Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
