Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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