I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
