Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
