Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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