piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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