i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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