Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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