Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
