you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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