This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
