Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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