And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
