you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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