I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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