they need to just BURY HIM!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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