Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The best revenge is premature balding
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
