What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
