Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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