So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
