he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
