Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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