So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize