I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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