I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
