Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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