how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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