i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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